


Universal Laws

by chasingkerouac



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Birthday, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Meet-Cute, Murphy's Law, Podfic Available, blaine is a veritable ray of sunshine, terrible horrible no good very bad day, the universe has a plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingkerouac/pseuds/chasingkerouac
Summary: Kurt made the mistake of thinking the day could not get any worse.It was a generally accepted universal law that once anyone acknowledges that something can get worse, it will get worse.  It was barely 10am, and Kurt knew with certainty that the universe had a plan and was conspiring with some teenage youtuber on the world’s worst hidden camera clickbait challenge just to see how many ‘ruin the guy’s day’ videos it would take to make him crack.But maybe that's not the entirety of the universe's plan.





	Universal Laws

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trickydeepforest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trickydeepforest/gifts).
  * Translation into Deutsch available: [Die Gesetze des Universums](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16425554) by [Klaineship](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klaineship/pseuds/Klaineship)



**** It’s a universal law that any time there’s an opportunity for a day to go from bad to worse, the simple fact of acknowledging that possibility will ensure that it will come to pass.  The universe always find a way to screw over the unlucky just as soon as that naive idiot thinks they’ve finally hit the bottom. One errant thought and the rain turns into a thunderstorm.  The full elevator gets stuck between floors. The last pain du chocolat gets sold just as soon as it’s time to order.

That was the current running tally on Kurt’s morning.  It was barely 10am, and Kurt knew with certainty that the universe had a plan and was conspiring with some teenage youtuber on the world’s worst hidden camera clickbait challenge just to see how many ‘ruin the guy’s day’ videos it would take to make him crack.

The day could not get any worse.

It was in that moment, when that thought flickered into his brain as he stood helpless at the counter of his regular coffee shop, that he knew his day would definitely, absolutely, without a doubt get worse.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to need you to repeat that,” Kurt said low and slow.  He’d been distracted. Surely he’d misheard the words coming out of the barista’s mouth.

The cashier looked pained.  “I’m sorry, but there’s no coffee right now.  We’re having trouble with the machine and it’s gonna be a few minutes before our guy gets here.  Can I get you some tea?”

Kurt pursed his lips.  “I. Don’t. Want. Tea.”

“Then I don’t know what to tell you.  Come back in an hour.”

“You said a few minutes.”

“Time is a fabrication of man.”  The cashier shrugged. “And I was lying to make you stop asking questions.  Now, please… move aside.”

Kurt groaned.  “But we all want coffee!”

“No we don’t!” yelled a guy at the back of the line.  

Kurt whipped around and tried to pick out a face to match the voice.  He was raised better than to yell at a cashier, but some idiot in line was picking on the wrong uncaffeinated New Yorker this morning.  “Then what are you doing in a  _ coffee shop _ ?”

He knew he was being dramatic -- a day this awful deserved the drama.  But he didn’t want to end up being the featured twitter rant on the news.  As soon as a couple of phones got raised to record what he was sure would be titled ‘Morning Meltdown’ or ‘Starbucks EXPLOSION’ or something equally as banal yet damning, Kurt swallowed his frustration and stormed out with as much of his remaining pride as he could muster.  

If Kurt wanted to assume that all of the dirty looks on the customers’ faces were because he was the only one willing to stand up for the necessity of caffeine, then… well, he was going to.

At least the storm from earlier had moved on and the sun peeked out from the last cloud stragglers.  Once free from the shop and the judging eyes of everyone in line, he stopped at the curb and took a deep, centering breath.  The day could be salvaged. It couldn’t get worse. He could get some brilliant work done this afternoon. He could find something to eat that was the best thing of his life.

A car swerved into the bike lane as it blew through a red light and sprayed a full puddle of water and city gunk all over the sidewalk.

Kurt stood there, water dripping from his chest down.  Maybe he imagined it. Maybe this was just his mind playing a trick on him because surely he wasn’t just sprayed by street water and soaked through on this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Three deep breaths later and he looked down.  

His beautiful robin’s egg blue shirt.  His new cream summer linen slacks.

No… his dirty gray explosion shirt, and his too-expensive gray soaked slacks.

“MotherFUCKER!”  He didn’t realize that  _ he _ was the one yelling until he saw a young woman throw her hands over a child’s ears and shoot him a look that could peel paint.  “Oh like that kid doesn’t say worse at school,” he snapped.

“Boy, you look like you could use a pick me up.”

Kurt turned at the voice and ended up staring into a pair of hazel eyes accompanied by a beaming smile.  The kind of eyes and smile that hadn’t been beaten down by the world. Disney eyes. “Oh really?”

The guy nodded and offered one of his two coffee cups.  “White mocha,” he said brightly. “I got an extra when I got mine.  Anyway. I hope your day starts looking up.” He gave Kurt a loose salute with the coffee cup in his hand and turned down the block.

Now Kurt was left with soaked clothes and a coffee handed to him by a stranger.  Why would someone just  _ hand him a coffee? _  Was it really a coffee?  Was this guy trying to poison him?  Every lecture about ‘stranger danger’ throughout his life started replaying in his head.  What sort of idiot would just drink a drink handed to them by a stranger on the street? And considering the day he was having, the guy with Disney eyes was definitely an evil witch wearing a disguise to trick him into drinking this coffee and falling into a coma who would them sell him off to some dwarves in exchange for a ruby mine.  Or something. It’s been a long time since he watched that movie.

The smart choice would be tossing the coffee in the garbage and heading home to change into something less damp.

Kurt turned, still holding onto the coffee and sprinted down the street.  “Hey!” he yelled. “Hey you! Coffee boy! Hey! No, not you,” he pushed past a guy at the newsstand.  “No not you either.”

Apparently this wasn’t the day for smart choices.

He dashed across the street ignoring the blinking hand trying to stop him, all while hoping the guy had continued on straight.  “Hey, coffee boy! Guy who gave me a coffee!”

And as soon as Kurt was ready to give up, the crowd parted and there he was.  The guy with Disney eyes and a Disney villain motive. Waiting to cross the street.  “You! Coffee boy!”

Coffee Boy turned and smiled again.  “Hey again.”

The guy’s voice could charm small forest animals into helping with chores.  Or maybe Kurt was just finally losing his tenuous grip on reality after this shitstorm of a day.  “You,” he repeated, trying not to gasp for air after what was not an impressive run down a pair of city blocks.  “What’s in this?” He held up the coffee cup. Why couldn’t bring himself to throw away?

“White mocha,” Coffee Boy said again.  “Sorry, I thought I told you that when I gave it to you.  But it’s a white mocha.”

The crowd started to move once the signal changed.  Coffee Boy started to move as soon as the signal changed.  Everything was moving now that the signal changed. But all sense of decorum had abandoned Kurt once he started running down the street like a madman.  He reached over and grabbed the guy’s arm, holding him in place. “No. No, you’re going to tell me what’s actually in this.” He hoped his tone sounded threatening.  Of all the ways the day continued to get worse, he hadn’t died yet. Which meant there was still a bottom he hadn’t reached yet. Damned if he was going to let a forest hag disguised as a doe-eyed Disney prince drive the final nail into his coffin.

“White mocha,” Coffee Boy repeated.  He got a cute little crease in his forehead when he frowned in confusion.  “I don’t know the sugar content. I think they use actual sugar, but it could be a corn syrup situation.  I could probably google it.”

“No, not that,” Kurt shook his head.  “Cyanide? Rat poison? Meth? Like, what did you  _ actually  _ put in it?”

Coffee Boy’s beautiful hazel eyes went wide.  “You think I was trying to poison you?”

“Yes.”  The word stuck in Kurt’s throat.  Coffee Boy’s eyes went Disney princess wide, and the idea of this guy actively trying to murder him in the street sounded more and more ridiculous the more he pressed.  

“But I don’t even know you.”

“So why were you just giving out random coffees?”  Kurt was starting to get cold. Dammit, of course he’d be the only person to get pneumonia after getting soaked by puddle of gunk.  If this confrontation with his would-be assassin was going to continue, he needed to move to the sunny side of the street soon.

“You looked like you needed it.”  Coffee Boy smiled again and Kurt felt his entire accusation get stuck in his throat.  “I got an extra because I thought someone might need it. You looked like you needed it.  And if you’re convinced that someone’s trying to kill you, I should’ve sprung for a larger size.”

“It’s just street smarts,” Kurt mumbled, feeling his cheeks go pink at Coffee Boy’s laugh.  “Yeah, okay, but… guys don’t randomly give out coffee on the street.”

“Sorry for freaking you out.  I’m Blaine, by the way.”

“Kurt.”

Blaine took a sip of his own coffee.  “It’s nice to meet you, Kurt. You, um… can always toss that if you really don’t trust it.”

Kurt looked down at the coffee still in his hand.  He could toss it. Should’ve tossed it ten minutes ago.  He could turn around and head back towards his apartment.  He could call a mulligan on this day and forget any of it ever happened.  Should probably do that.

Instead, he took a sip.  A single, glorious sip of caffeine and sugar that went straight to his brain and every other cell in his body.  He closed his eyes and groaned before remembering that he had an audience. An audience he didn’t know and who seemed way too amused at these circumstances.  “It’s a little cold.”

“I think I was right about you needing it,” Blaine replied.  “Better now?”

“Yeah.”  The honest answer spilled out of Kurt’s mouth before he could think better of it.  “Yeah, actually. I’m still… damp. But at least I’m caffeinated. Thank you.”

“Not a problem.  Do you… need a new shirt?”

Kurt glanced down.  He should head home and change.  “Probably. Although I should probably just pick up my dry cleaning and switch out the suit I needed to pick up for… this.”  He looked back down the block. “So, I guess I’m headed this way.”

“I’m not headed anywhere in particular,” Blaine said.  “You want some company?”

Definitely don’t need a random escort to the dry cleaners.  “Yeah, definitely.” Dammit. “I mean, as long as you don’t have anywhere to go.”

“I’m just wandering around the city helping people today,” Blaine said brightly.  “Let’s go.”

They fell into an easy rhythm as they walked.  Kurt insisted on switching to the sunny side if only so he wouldn’t catch his death by cold since he apparently wasn’t going to catch it by poisoned coffee.  He didn’t trust the universe to forget about ruining him just yet. Thoughts about the universe putting a hit out on him today were sidelined when he glanced over at Blaine.  

He had the sneaking suspicion that any side Blaine was walking on could be considered by most outsiders as ‘the sunny side’.  “So what did you mean, wandering around helping people?”

Blaine smiled that cloud-parting smile again.  “A birthday tradition.” He nodded at Kurt’s confused look.  “Every year on my birthday, I take the day off from work and… wander around.  And when I see someone who looks like they need a hand, I help them.”

“You literally give out random acts of kindness for your own birthday?”

“Well… yeah.  Makes my life better, makes other people’s lives better.  What could be better?”

Prada shoes, Kurt wanted to answer, but he discovered that he couldn’t be snarky in response to Blaine’s earnest desire to actually, literally help people.  “So you really did just… buy an extra coffee with the intention of giving it away?”

“Only made it half a block until I saw you standing there.”

“So why me?”

Blaine shrugged.  “You looked like you needed something good to happen to you.  Plus, you kind of yelled an expletive while covered in puddle water, so it wasn’t like it was a big leap,” he tagged on with another grin.  

Kurt stared at Blaine’s smile until he remembered he should watch where he was going, unless he wanted to trip and fall on his face and help the universe along in ruining the day.  Which, considering the track record of the day, was not out of the realm of possibility. What goes better with dirty soaked slacks than a busted and bloody lip? The color combination would be very Fall/Winter 2018.  “Well, your birthday kindness for me was right on the nose. I’ve had an absolute shit morning.”

“No.  Really?  I figured chasing me down a city block and accusing me of poisoning you was just how you liked to start your day.”

“Sarcasm.  Great.” Kurt shook his head as Blaine laughed.  “I deserve it. Although you look too earnest to pull it off well.”

“My face is too honest.  I’m a terrible liar, so mild sarcasm is as close as I can get.”

“I’ll have to give you lessons because you are talking to a sarcasm master.”  Flirting, Kurt, really? With the universe actively destroying all that is good today?  “Anyway, you can consider your day a success so far. I feel properly uplifted. What else have you done?”

“Let’s see -- I helped my neighbor carry her groceries up seven flights of stairs, I held open a couple doors, I let a mom and her kid cut in front of me at the bakery, and I gave you my extra coffee.  I think it’s been a great day so far.”

“Have you ever been chased down the street by a crazy person after doing one of your birthday acts of kindness?”

Blaine laughed his musical, small animal enchanting laugh at that.  “Nope, today was the first day that happened.”

“Glad I can keep you on your toes.”  

They reached the dry cleaner and Kurt felt… bad about it.  Like, what, so Blaine was just going to go on his merry way?  Being a kindness superhero or something? “This is me.” Should’ve taken an extra lap around the block.

“Glad I could escort you to clean clothes.”  Blaine extended his hand. “It was really nice to meet you, Kurt.”

Kurt took his hand and tried not to think about how soft his skin was.  But of course a guy with eyes that bright and a smile that kind would have soft skin.  “Thank you for the coffee, Blaine. You turned my day around.”

“Then my birthday mission is complete.”

Kurt didn’t want to pull away, but it would be weird if he didn’t.  Besides, he didn’t actually know this guy. He probably had other things on his list for the day, regardless of how he claimed to just ‘wander around’.  No one just wandered around for an entire day. “So what are your plans for the rest of the day? Meeting friends for dinner? A boyfriend taking you out?” he asked, mentally cursing the unnamed yet inevitable guy in Blaine’s life.  He already hated the tall, athletic, beautiful yet utterly undeserving guy.

Blaine shook his head.  “Nope. Just this. I’m actually pretty new to the area so… the social network is a little thin.”  He smiled again, finally letting Kurt’s hand drop. “I hope you have an amazing rest of your day, Kurt.  Unless there’s something else I can do for you...”

Kurt shook his head.  “No, I… I should probably change before the universe decides to kill me by hypothermia.  Besides, these clothes are probably ruined.”

“You never know.  Sometimes a little magic happens and things turn around when you least expect it.”  When Kurt didn’t respond, Blaine gave him a wink and a wave and disappeared into the crowd.  

Kurt lucked out that he had a suit and shirt to pick up at the dry cleaners.  He decamped to the little side room used for tailoring and started peeling himself out of the hopefully not completely ruined outfit.  

He should’ve gotten Blaine’s number.  Hell, he should’ve gotten Blaine’s last name.  What sort of Hallmark movie fail was it to meet a cute guy on the street who was doing nothing but kind acts for random strangers on his birthday of all days, and to not even get his last name?  And he was just going to, what, go home to his apartment and spend the evening alone?

Sometimes a little magic happens… and Kurt just let it walk away.

Maybe Blaine had roommates.  Maybe they would have a cake or something for him.  Maybe one of those coffees he had was a free birthday bonus on his rewards card.  Maybe he wasn’t going to go to a room alone and hum himself the birthday song like the Mars rover because it’s the only thing on the planet…  _ that we know of _ .

What the hell kind of guy spends his entire birthday making other people’s day better when there’s no one to make  _ his _ day special?

The kind of guy you should’ve  _ at least gotten a last name from _ , idiot.

Kurt emerged dry and redressed and handed off the dirty pile to the woman behind the desk.  Was there any way to find this guy without sounding sad and stalkery on Instagram? ‘Hey, city-dwellers, anyone seen a cute guy with Disney eyes and a smile that brings the sun out?  Sometimes holds two coffees? I was stupid and failed at flirting and let him get away and now I can’t find him. Please pass along anyone who you think might fit this glass slipper, kthnx’.

Ugh, why did Craigslist ‘missed connections’ have to get shut down for porn?

Face the facts -- the meet-cute was in fact a meet-leave which was really a meet-fail and would in time emerge as a story to tell at a work cocktail function to merit a few pity laughs and pave the way for someone to launch into a story about how they met their wife at a bar on ladies’ night after she was already four drinks in.  Because when you think the day can’t get any worse, the universe always finds a way to really turn the screw one last painful time.

Or… maybe….

Kurt stepped out onto the sidewalk, turned left, and passed the newsstand.  

Where Blaine was fishing out change from his pocket for a guy holding three newspapers and a credit card.

… maybe sometimes a little magic happens and the universe changes its mind.

“Blaine!”

Blaine paid the man and turned, flashing Kurt the most brilliant smile Kurt had seen since… well, the last time Blaine smiled at him ten minutes ago.  “Hey, Kurt! You look a lot drier now. That suit is… wow, you look great.”

“Thanks.  What are you still doing here? I didn’t… I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“Oh, the stand’s credit card swipe is down and that guy’s daughter’s graduation announcement is in the paper today.  Master’s in environmental engineering. Met him at the corner down there so I came back with him to get his papers. Wanted to get copies for the grandparents.”

Kurt almost laughed in relief.  “That’s… wow, good for her. So of course you had change.  Like magic.”

“Left for a day with a pocket full, just in case,” Blaine explained.  “Change can be the magic to turn a day around.”

“Speaking of turning the day around…”  Kurt trailed off, suddenly nervous. Maybe it was just a coincidence that Blaine was put in Kurt’s path again.  Maybe this was the final nail the universe was going to hammer into his coffin. Maybe Blaine liked to be alone.  Maybe he’d been lying about not having anything else to do. Maybe he just wouldn’t want to spend extra time with Kurt.  “Do you want a hand? You know, with the rest of your… day of kindness? I have the day off.” Mental note, text the office and tell them breakfast brought on a nasty case of food poisoning.  “And, it  _ is  _ your birthday.  I thought… since you’re new to the area, I could take you out for a drink to celebrate?  After you’ve met your kindness quota for the day?”

Blaine grinned again, and Kurt thought that might be just the best sight in the entire city.  “I would love that.”

It’s a universal law that any time there’s an opportunity for a day to go from bad to worse, the simple fact of acknowledging that possibility will ensure that it will come to pass.  But the universe always finds a way to surprise the unlucky just as just as soon as that naive idiot thinks they’ve hit the bottom. One moment of kindness and the sunshine comes out.  The crowd moves and leaves behind a friendly companion. A day alone turns into a day on a mission.

That was the current running tally on Kurt’s day.  It was barely noon, and Kurt knew with certainty that the universe had a plan and was conspiring with some optimistic Netflix rom-com writers’ room to see just how many situations they could throw Blaine into where he made everyone smile, improved the day even further, and ensured that Kurt’s heart had finally cracked wide open.

The day could not get any better.

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: AU, Blaine is doing random acts of kindness for his birthday.  After doing one for Kurt, who is having an awful day, Kurt decides to help him out for the rest of the day.
> 
> [Read it on tumblr](http://ckerouac.tumblr.com/post/177470796750/fic-universal-laws)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Universal Laws](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15858552) by [chasingkerouac](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingkerouac/pseuds/chasingkerouac)




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